Why do I know you?
by Internet Luv Masheen
Summary: Massive Naruto lulz. Don't bother.
1. Kakashi's Sharingan Eye

-1What were you thinking…

By SoulfulZen

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING!

One random day, sometime during Sasuke's private training with Kakashi between the preliminaries and the final part of the Chunin exam, Sasuke and Kakashi were sitting down to meditate. Sasuke, however, was bored out of his mind. He sat, pondering, when a question popped into his head.

"Hey, Kakashi." he said, half asking a question.

"Hmm?"

"I just though of something. Business excepting, I never see you around women. Why is that?" he asked. The first thing through Kakashi's mind was 'Oh dear. This cannot end well'.

"Uh, well… you see…" he stumbled, scratching his head.

"Oh. I see. You're not interested in women. But… you don't hang out around men either." Sasuke observed. Kakashi had just started to take a drink of water, but sprayed it all over the young Uchiha's face.

"Oh, no no no no no! That's not it. I'm not gay or anything, it's just… Look, can you keep a secret?" Kakashi asked, somewhat ashamed of himself. Somewhere inside, Sasuke became excited. Maybe it was something to do with the mask…

"No problem."

"Okay, the reason I'm never with anyone, man or woman, is… I'm impotent."

"… … … What?"

"I can't get blood to flow to my tool. That's why I never bother. I can't get any tail." Kakashi confessed. Sasuke's jaw dropped like a lead weight.

"You're shitting me. Have you always been that way?"

"Well… no. It was one of the things I sacrificed to get the sharingan eye."

"You gave up the ability to have sex so you could see things different?"

"Yes. Yes I did."

"… … … … … Dude, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?"


	2. Gaara and the Internet

-1Why do I know you? Chapter 2

By SoulfulZen

Disclaimer: Still don't own.

Summary: You know that blizzard that hit Colorado on 10/26/06? This is all I was able to come up with. Just this. And the fucking weather was a perfect environment for writing. Fucking god dammit! Oh yeah, rating go uppity up!

"Why are we doing this?" Gaara asked in monotone. He sat down at a small desk in front of a computer. "And why is there a computer when we don't even have the technology for a light bulb?"

"Just trust me on this!" shouted Naruto. "You need a girlfriend, and an online dating service is going to do the trick! Believe it!"

"Stop saying that."

"What?"

"Stop saying 'Believe it!' all the time."

"But it's my catch phrase! Be…" he began, but was muffled by a large ball of sand down his throat. Gaara's eye twitched. Naruto shrugged and, when the sand came out, agreed to stop saying 'believe it!' so much. Naruto pulled out a digital camera and snapped four or five shots of Gaara, then uploaded them to the computer. He gave the sand-ninja a rundown on what to put where and left. Slowly, Gaara typed in his personality.

"Hobbies: Killing. … … and sculpting." He looked around. Naruto was off somewhere, probably beating off to his own sexy no jutsu. "Enjoys: Killing, and long walks under the full moon. About me: I am the son of the fourth Kazekage. I am possessed by the one-tailed tanuki. I cannot feel physical pain, due to a gourd full of living sand on my back. I am a highly skilled sand village genin. The sight or smell of blood drives me insane. I seem cold, but the symbol for 'love' on my forehead is aptly placed. I have an abnormal sense of empathy and if someone ever cared about me, truly and honestly, I would be able to return that affection. I'm so sick of being alone." A small tear rolled from his eye. He quickly finished the profile and sent it out.

Gaara was about to tell Naruto he was finished when an odd sound caught his ear. Squeaking. Of a mattress… Gaara shuddered at the image of Naruto and his disgusting combination of shadow cloning and sexy no jutsu. Ugh. He simply browsed around the computer. He soon found a large stockpile of pictures of every male ninja Naruto had ever met. But none of himself. Soon he came to a file marked 'Gaara'. He opened it, and immediately wished he hadn't. Inside the file were roughly two dozen pictures of himself. Naked. "Naruto… you will die in the most painful way I can imagine." The disgusting image of Naruto and sexy no jutsu were gone, replaced simply with two Narutos…. Even worse. Gaara nearly lost control of his gastric juices as he followed the creaking. He really didn't want to see what Naruto was doing, but he had to kill him.

Gaara kicked down the door, and immediately regretted it. His jaw dropped, the effect aided by sand. He was fairly sure he'd never see again. Naruto was on the bed, moaning in rapture, and on top of him was… "Hinata. This… is rather embarrassing." The Hyuuga shrieked and hid under the covers.

"What the fuck! Asshole! I helped you set up an internet matchmaking account! Can't you have the decency to not walk in on me?!?!" Naruto shouted angrily.

Gaara coated his skull in sand, leaving only space so he could hear as he growled "Because you decided to take naked pictures of me and put them on your computer." Hinata looked up in shock.

"Stop! Gaara-san, those aren't Naruto's! They belong to Sakura!" she shouted. Gaara gave Naruto space to breathe… through his nose of course. "I caught her touching herself one day, and saw the picture, and she made me promise not to tell anyone. I would have told you, because you have a right to know, but this is the first time I've seen you since!"

Gaara released Naruto's head, and said, "I apologize for interfering with your activities. Please forget I was here, as I will try to forget this ever happened." Naruto flipped Gaara off and waited.

"That was… unexpected. So does Sakura have nude pics of me?" Naruto joked.

Hinata replied in an out-of-character tone, "No, that's me. Now what would you say to picking up where we left off?" Naruto nodded.

As Gaara finally left, he heard creaking again. Ugh… He dashed to Ino's house. Inside, Ino and Sakura were dividing up the remaining boys in the village. Gaara coated Sakura in sand and carried her off. Half an hour later, he dropped her on the ground. "Why do you have naked pictures of me on your computer?" he bluntly demanded.

Sakura blushed, then replied, "Because you're fuckin' sexy."

"Why did you feel you had to take those pictures secretly?" he asked. Sakura just stared. What had he just said?

"Um… because I though you'd be mad?" she replied, confused out of her mind.

"Well… If you promise to delete them, I will give you this." Gaara handed her a picture of himself in tight, black pants and a fishnet shirt, licking a cherry. Her jaw dropped as Gaara encased himself in a ball of sand and rolled away.

"Hey, wait a second! How do I get home?" she shouted.

"Just walk east. You'll be fine." he rolled off.

END


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